Tough Crowd

I know what some of you are thinking, "Jon, why are you wearing a scarf indoors?" Others are probably saying to themselves, "Jon's hairline is even more receding them usual." Still others are probably wondering why I look so much like Donnie Wahlberg in this picture.

Answer; that is my wife and that is Donnie Wahlberg. She loves him...has for years. She also loves the NKOTB (New Kids on the Block)...has for years. She recently purchased tickets to see their reunion tour at the Verizon Center. Incredibly, after she had already purchased tickets, she ended up winning a "fan package" online. This fan package included backstage passes, a meet 'n' greet, and the opportunity to smell each member of the band. Because she had already purchased tickets, she now had 2 extra tickets that she didn't know what to do with. Face value was $78 so I snatched them from her in hopes of scalping them before the show. I've never scalped a ticket before or even purchased a ticket from a scalper - but, how hard can it be?

Apparently, much harder than I realized. I walked to the Verizon Center right after work and spent nearly 1 1/2 hours outside the concert trying to sell these NKOTB tix. The problem is that the other scalpers were super aggressive and talking up their tickets. So, in order to compete with them I had to do the same. You don't understand humiliation until you've tried scalping NKOTB tickets while dressed in khakis and a polo. Uttering ridiculous statements like, "New Kids tickets! Who needs um? What's up? Got some hot tickets here! These joints are hot! Jordan, Joey, Danny....Donnie Wahlberg, SON! What's up?"

I've never felt more alone or more inadequate in my life. The other scalpers were laughing at me. I've been doing comedy for more than 4 years and I've done a lot of shows at a ton of different venues; clubs, colleges, bars, crab feasts, fairgrounds, high schools, backyard patios, outdoor decks, banquet halls, conference centers, theatres, the list goes on...

But, in my four years of comedy; I've never bombed as hard as I did the night I tried scalping NKOTB tickets. My wife tried to comfort me afterwards; "they probably already had there tickets, honey." "It's a reunion tour, nobody waits to the last minute." "The other guys probably didn't sell their tickets either." She is a sweet girl but I know better. It's never the crowd's fault and I take full responsibility for this one.

What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.