Lets catch up...

Last Thursday, I traveled to Gambrills, Maryland with good buddies Rory Scovel and Jay Hastings. We were scheduled to perform at Kauffman's Restaurant; Rory was the feature, Jay was doing the guest set, and I was MC for the evening. Since I had performed at Kauffmans on two other occasions, I new what to expect; I planned on bombing and was not dissapointed. This place has now defeated me for the third time and I've had it! If I ever perform there again, I will crush. Even if the audience doesn't agree, I'll still be crushing in my head. I will win someday!

Jay and Rory did much better than I and headliner Big Al Goodwin did great. The audience wanted to laugh but was distracted by a table full of annoying girls who were celebrating a 21st birthday. They were loud and rude and ruined much of the show. When Big Al took the stage, he asked the rest of the crowd to come to the front tables. This took the attention away from the table of drunk girls and allowed the audience to enjoy the show. As MC, I should have thought of this right from the start. Lesson learned Big Al...lesson learned. Back to the girls; I can't stand immature, obnoxious girls who assume every guy in the room thinks they're hot. I couldn't even tell you what they looked like...I can't see your face when there is a whorish glaze surrounding your body - your entire act bores me...even more than mine bored you.

Friday night, I performed at a Hospital Banquet in Waldorf, Maryland - home of Justin Schlegel. I was told I would need to work clean for 30 minutes; no problem, I don't swear in my act. When I arrived, I was told there was a change of plans, kids were in attendance and I would need to work "squeaky" clean. Their was no stage so only half the crowd could see me, everyone was sober, and I was brought to the stage as Joe Mumamma; I had my work cut out for me. I spent the first five minutes just talking to the crowd, trying to gauge them. Since I've spent considerable amount of time in hospitals because I am accident prone, I figured I would talk about said visits, figuring this would be relatable. It started out ok but then I told a story about having a catheter installed into one of my body cavities - they were not a fan of this story. I spent the rest of my set mending jokes and making stuff up on the fly. However, by the end of my set, I was having fun...I hope the audience was too.

Saturday, I performed at the Hyatt Hotel in Bethesda. On the bill was Rory Scovel (www.roryscovel.com), Jared Stern (www.jaredlive.com), Danny Rouhier (www.funnydanny.com), Ryan Conner (www.ryanconnercomedy.com), and George Peacock. All the comedians were great and I had a really fun time.

Rory Scovel, I need to say this...He shows up at the Hyatt, coming straight from an Improv rehearsal. He performs 20 brilliant minutes filled with riffing, new material, and a joke containing an MC Escher reference that made me cry. He immediately leaves the show to perform 3-man improv and then from there heads to Alexandria to perform stand-up and 2-man improv at midnight at another local show. You wanna be a well-rounded, amazing comic? There's your bar. Not only does he have an amazing work ethic but he's a great dude and an amazing talent. DC, enjoy him now...you won't have him forever.

After the Hyatt show, a group of us went to Rock Bottom for a bite to eat. When I informed the hostess that we had 9 people, she acted like I had just asked her for her last cupcake. This chubby little sourpuss could not have been more rude at us inconviencing her by asking her to do her job. Chubby little sourpuss with blonde hair, if you are reading this and I'm pretty sure you're not, you should quit your job - you're awful at it.

Yesterday, I went mountain biking and fell three times. The last fall was the most painful of the three and because of it, I was pretty wimpy for the remainder of the ride. I realized something from this fall; when you hurt yourself there is no reason to make any noise. Here's the story:

I was making a turn when my front tire got caught on a rock. I was launched over top of the bike and fell on my tailbone which cause excruciating pain. Fortunately, my pedal clips remained clipped so my bike proceeded to fall on top of me which caused multiple bruises. I got up, writing in pain, but did not make a single sound. The reason for this was because I was all alone, no one was around to witness it or help me, so I offered no noise. That tells me that making noise after injury is simply for attention and is unneccessary. Unless of course, you break something or are seriously injured - then you should notify someone but screaming or something.