I need sleep

It's been a while...I apologize. Where do we begin? ...I'll go first

Last week, I spent a few days at the beach with good buddy Joe Robinson and his family. in attendence were; Rob Robinson (Dad), Aunt Tish, Sheila (Wife), and their kids Joey and James. The Robinson's are good people. I spent my time playing mini golf with Rob and Joe, I played Incredible Hulk with Joey and James for a good 2 hours, and boogie boarded in the afternoon. While boogie boarding, I got smashed by a huge wave and it ripped my swim trunks down to my thighs. Unfortunately, I landed in shallow water and when I came up for air, I was exposed. I quickly pulled them up but not before a middle aged women spotted me. I knew she spotted me because she was laughing and pointing. When you're a little kid and your swim trunks fall down, it's fun. When you're 30 and this happens, it's just plain embarrassing.

Last friday, I made the scenic drive to Cumberland, Maryland for a show at the luxurious Holiday Inn Express. I had no idea what to expect so once I arrived I took a peak at the room and saw a few tables of older folks sitting around sipping orange juice. I was fine with that, I just wanted to know what I'd be working with for my 20 minutes. I checked into my room and came back 45 minutes later. Surrounding the table of orange juice drinking old people were a collection of rednecks. But these were hybrid rednecks; northern rednecks who look the part and drive Ford F150s but listen Wu Tang - a strange breed, indeed. That sentence rhymes. The rest of the audience was a collection of white and black people, ranging in age from 17 to 137. This crowd had absolutely no continuity - I was excited. The set list immediately went in the trash as I quickly realized there was no way I was going to read this crowd. I expected the worst but actually ended having a really good time. The crowd was chatty but we made it work.

On Monday, I had my first dental visit with my new dentist. I love my old dentist but she moved so my plan was defaulted to her replacement. I enjoyed the visit; I had no cavities, was reminded my gums are receeding for the 3,247th time, and was lectured on flossing techniques yet again. Overall, it was a pretty standard visit. Side note; my wife's father didn't go to the dentist for 30 years and when he finally went, he had no cavities and was complimented on his dental hygene - amazing.

Afterwards, I went grocery shopping at Shopper's Warehouse. I like shopping at Shopper's because shopping at Shopper's is a great place to shop. I do enjoy their produce and believe their meat department kicks the crap out of Safeway. Safeway is gay. That sentence rhymes. I picked up a bag of cherries, my favorite. Cherries easily rank in my top 3 fruits along with watermelon and rasberries. I love fruit, people...love it. A perfectly ripe peach is tough to beat but I'll take watermelon anyday. Back to the cherries; they are incredible and I have been enjoying the harvest everyday this week. The only thing that I can think of that would be better than cherries at this time would be pistachio pudding. It's the best.

The next day, I drove to Lancaster, PA to attend the wedding of one of my high school buddies, Jeremy John Stouch. Most of you reading this have no idea who he is so I'll describe him; he's got an enormous torso, he's 6'2" but wears size 38 x 28 jeans. Jeremy John has the lower body of Joe Peshi and the upper body of John Goodman. He is, however, a great guy and his wife is an absolute peach. During the vowels, JJ started to get choked up and had trouble formulating sentences. It was cute but reminded me of being a kid again when one of your boys starts crying in front of you and you panic and don't know what to do so everyone starts punching him. Since that is childish behavior, I opted to give him a big boy hug afterwards...I had trouble reaching around his large torso. Congrats Lindsay and JJ!

On Tuesday, I ventured to Westminster, MD to perform at Maria's Restaurant with buddies; Jessica Paquin, Joe Robinson, Rob Maher, and John Denver. The show started out a disaster; no one wanted to hear comedy and made the comics aware of this by shouting things out to the performers. I watched good comics struggle to get jokes out because no one would listen. By the time I took the stage, I was fairly irritated, particularly at this drunk cowboy looking dude and his drinking buddy, who was wearing a frieking neck brace. I took my silly set list with me to the stage but never used it. About 10 minutes into my set, Westminster's version of Stone Cold Steve Austin purchased me a shot. It's rude to turn down a shot so I obliged. From there, things snowballed and the patrons continued to feed me shots for the rest of my set. Because Rob and Joe kept encouraging me, I stayed onstage for an hour, during which time I finished off 8 shots, 2 beers, and a dill pickle. People, I am not a big drinker and never drink onstage. This was the first time I've done this and hopefully it will be the last. If you want me to get off the stage, don't buy me alcohol...it will get messy. I must say that the fine people of Westminster turned out to be a ton of fun and gave me one of my favorite nights of comedy ever...from what I can remember. Rob Maher closed the show in stellar fashion and we left Westminster full of giggles. Fortunately, Jessica Paquin drove home and we spent our time predicting who would win in make-believe UFC fights between DC comedians. Ex. Sean Gabbert vs Paula Dellert. Gabbert got the nod in this one. Good times...good times.

Finally, last night I opened for Kevin Pollak at the DC Improv. Kevin was funny and the crowd was really into him. The feature act is a great dude by the name of Keith Alberstadt. He is a real nice guy and very funny. I liked my set and had a lot of fun onstage. Tickets are still available for the sunday night show. Hope to see you out.