Ice

Every spring, my work hold's an annual Fitness Day where employees can spend their afternoons on Gonzaga High School's track participating in various running events. In 2004, I volunteered to run the 1/2 mile relay and 2 mile run. Because my agency employees over 2,000 people, I didn't know everyone on my team. One of the new people I met was named Ice. If you look at the 2004 picture above, you will see Ice is the bald gentlemen posing with his arms wide open, alla Scott Stapp. In 2005, I was unable to participate in Fitness Day but I was back for the 2006 campaign. I just received the pictures from the 2006 Fitness Day. As you can see, Ice is back, standing in the front yet again, using the same pose. Awesome. If you look to the far right, you will see me looking on in amazement.

I think Ice is funny. Ice is the reason digital cameras were invented. Back in the day, when 35mm was the norm, families would return from their vacations and quickly run to the nearest photo lab to get their pictures developed. After receiving their photos, they soon realized that a stranger had snuck into several of their pictures without anyone noticing. Typically, this person is between the ages of 17 and 33, has a red mustache and pale skin, and is flashing gang signs directly behind Uncle Steve - Ice is this person. He loves photos and as soon as he sees a camera, he rushes into the frame and does something to stand out in the picture. He doesn't even really care if he ever sees these pictures, he just wants to be in them. Barring injury, I'll be back for the 2007 Fitness Day and I'll bet Ice will too, "...with arms wide open."

I was back in Westminster last week for Maria's monthly comedy night. If you read my blogs, you know what happened last time I was there so I was determined not to let things get out of hand. As soon as I arrived (30 minutes late - Westminster is impossible to find) I bumped into several patrons who I recognized. They immediately asked me if I was ready to do shots. I was honored that they had paid to see the show and buy me more shots but humbly asked them to keep me sober for the show, they obliged. The show was incredible, I had a blast; Westminsterians are fun people. My favorite part of the show was this drunk lady in the front table who kept talking to me. Generally, when this happens it is annoying but this night, I kind of liked it. Toward the end of my set she blurted out in a drunken slur, "Dammit Jim!" I assumed she was referencing Deforest Kelley's character "Bones" from Star Trek but she was hammered and just blurted it out in between jokes so I asked her if she knew where that phrase came from. She looked at me with a puzzled expression and said, "...Me." That was so money. Remember this because it's going to come up again at the end of this blog. Also on the show were Bird Knight who is tall and did a nice job emceeing, Jay Hastings who crafted a beauty of a joke about a horse off the cuff, and Erik Myers who closed the show and destroyed the place.

This past week I also performed at the Arlington Drafthouse. This place is awesome. It's a movie theatre with a great stage, great sound system, and great atmosphere. There were about 80 people at the show but since it's such a big room, there were some pretty big gaps in the audience. Still, the crowd came to laugh and while it took some coaxing at points, they turned out to be a fun and attentive crowd. Jessica Pacquin runs this room and does a great job. Comics, we need rooms like this one; check out the website http://www.arlingtondrafthouse.com/ and come to the next show. If you look at next month's lineup, you will see why. Also on the show were Jim Myer and Joe Robinson who both had great sets.

Now, the fun starts. Saturday night, I drove back to Westminster with Kojo Mante and Justin Schlegel for a private show. None of us had any information about the show other than that it was a Moose Lodge. Upon arrival, I could see that it would be a night to remember. The majority of the people were arriving on either motorcycles or Ford F150s and were wearing ACDC or Dokken concert t-shirts. I was loving every minute of it because I felt like I was back in my hometown in Pennsylvania, however, I questioned if jokes were really what these people were looking for. Once we walked inside, we observed even more strangeness. There was an enormous moose head on the wall, which made sense, and the tables and chairs ran along both walls with the center of the room completely empty...that's where the mic stood. Awkward. Then, we noticed the refreshment table; they were serving chips, pretzels, diet pepsi and bottled water. Why? Who are these people? These people looked like they could use a drink and quite frankly, I was considering it as well. Just then, a girl approached me, introduced herself and asked me if I was in the "program." I wasn't sure what she meant but assumed by "program," she was asking if I was part of the entertainment. I told her I was and then she asked me other questions like, "how long have you been in the program?" and "Do you like it?" and reassured me by saying things like "good for you" and "that's great." She asked me if I like her shirt so I examined it. The shirt read, "I like Meth" but the "th" was crossed out with an X so it read, "I like Me." I told her I liked it even though I didn't really get it. I broke our conversation short and headed for the bathroom where I encountered a young man named Bubba. He seemed fairly normal so I asked him, "What is this...Who are you guys?" He smiled and replied, "NA, Narcotic Annonymous...we're recovering meth and crack addicts." We continued the conversation but all I could think about was how hard I was going to punch Justin Schlegel in the kydney. It was all making sense now; the lack of booze, the I love Me t-shirt, the Dokken concert t-shirts. I was expecting this to be a nightmare. I could not have been more wrong.

I learned a life lesson Saturday night; never, ever judge a book buy it's cover. These people turned out to be 200 of the best audience members I will ever perform for and some of the nicest people I will ever meet. It was one of the most gratifying experiences I've ever had and I hope I see some of these men and women again. Both Justin and Kojo crushed and completely agreed with my assessment. These people fight demons every single day and I'm sure I have no idea what their personal struggle is like. To be able to laugh with them for a night was a blessing and quite honestly, they gave us more than we could ever have given them.

Justin, Kojo, and I stopped by the Full Moon Bar and Grill on the way home. We found a table next to some middle aged women and sat down. After a few minutes of quality conversation, my mind drifted and I found myself overhearing these women's conversation. All of a sudden, I heard one of them exclaim, "Dammit Jim!" I strained to see her face but it was clear this was not the same women I encountered at Maria's the week before. Apparently, this phrase, while outdated in most regions of the country, is still quite popular in Westminster.

Westminster...I love you.