Training update

Training for my upcoming triathlon is going really well. I can't believe the transformation my body has made since I started training. I've included a before and after picture (see above). The before picture is on the left and the after is on the right. I'm not there yet but thankfully I have until May 26th...keep your fingers crossed for me, guys.

My wife and I bought new furniture last week. I honestly can't think of anything more boring than buying furniture. Women buy furniture because they love to decorate and make things look nice. Men buy furniture so they can impress women who visit their apartment. I am married so furniture seems kind of pointless.

Our salesman, Jerry, was a compete douche. First of all, if your name is Jerry you are already a douch but couple that with "furniture salesman" and you have a super douche. His favorite phrase was, "I don't push...I don't push." But, every other minute he was say things like, "You really should spend the extra money and buy the high dresser." Or, "buy the warranty...it's worth it...I tell everyone that." Why do I care if you tell everyone that? How does that come even close to validating your attempts to get me to spend more money? So I said, "Jerry, go ahead and stab yourself in the throat with a steak knife...I tell everyone that." I didn't actually tell him that but it would have been great if I did and would have made this story a lot funnier.

Yesterday, I bought my first bag of cherries in 2007. I friekin' love cherries. I know I've mentioned this in previous blogs but I really want everyone to see what I see.

On friday, I performed at a Holiday Inn. I started out great and then got cocky; I decided I was capable of making everything funny and began veering all over the place. I tried to save the set by trying an old joke where I talk about how nature is cruel because every animal has another animal that wants to eat it and how weird it would be if humans behaved this way. A guy in the audience chimed in, "we already do." I replied, "what do you mean sir?" He answered, "we eat chicken all the time." It was at this point that I realized my set was over and finished nose diving into my closer.

That's it.