The road...

It is 10:54 pm and I'm sitting in front of my laptop inside a Red Roof Inn in Toledo, Ohio. The room costs $39.95 - I know this because there is a huge billboard out front that says so. I just got done performing at Connxtions Comedy Club where I will be through Saturday. I got into Toledo just an hour before the show and had a chance to unwind a bit before I headed to the club. When I pulled in, there were no vehicles in the parking lot except for an "Ohio Veterans Home" bus - "No way," I thought. As I pulled up I could see folks pouring out of the vehicle. Sho nuff!

Its 7:30 pm and the show starts at 8:00 pm so this isn't a great sign but hey, its a Wednesday. I get inside and meet management and the other comics. Everyone is cool, typical Midwest people; laid back and friendly - I'm a fan. The club's decor could best be described as "Three's Company" meets a roller rink. Again, I'm a fan. By the time the show starts, there are probably 20-25 people in the room including the senior citizens and they all chose to sit on the left side of the room - weird. Whenever I go to a new club, I immediately try to hone in on the "feel" but I just couldn't quite figure it out. I tried to write out a set list but without that "feel" I couldn't complete it. I was standing in the back trying to figure out what to talk about and feeling really unprepared when I heard my name being introduced. All of a sudden, the Scorpions "rock you like a hurricane" begins blaring from the speaker, I'm a fan! All worries were gone.

I ended up having a really fun time and while the set was definitely loose, the crowd was really cool and super polite. Now, I'm back at the Red Roof enjoying a very sub par heating situation and a late night Bacardi and diet. I don't blog nearly as much as I used to...I wish I did. I simply don't have the time to write like I once did. I am feeling a little nostalgic though...I get like this sometimes...bare with me.

Its been 3 1/2 years now for me...doing comedy. I look at the guys I started out with and who I learned from; Justin Schlegel was my first comedy friend, soon after I met the great Doug Powell (Doug, sometimes I miss you so much), Danny Rouhier ran the open mic where I first started, then of course Ryan Conner and Rory Scovel. In a short time, we have all headed in our own directions and that's a good thing. But, sometimes I miss the innocence of those early days. There was something pure about pacing back and forth before an open mic at The Topaz Hotel. Every moment was a chance to prove yourself and I loved that challenge. I miss that...I miss going to an open mic and actually giving a shit. I feel like I've focused so much lately on trying to figure out my next step in comedy that I've forgotten why I'm doing this in the first place. To be honest; I think I found it again tonight.

When I was a kid I dreamed of doing stand-up comedy. To me, performing comedy in a comedy club was the greatest thing that could ever happen in the universe. I remember my first time at a comedy club and sitting there thinking, "that guy is right on, black people and white people ARE SO different!" My taste for stand-up has changed a little bit since then but I remember just being enthralled by it all...the life of a comedian seemed like the greatest thing in the world. Now, after doing comedy for a little while, I've realized that its not a glamorous life...its a hard life. I'm sitting alone in a Red Roof Inn in Toledo, Ohio.

But, honestly there comes a time when you have to come to grips with reality. The truth...this is who I am. I whine about driving 7 hours to a comedy club in Ohio that isn't the DC Improv and 20 minutes from my house. I have no right - I love it, that is why I'm here. I don't know why but I am compelled to get in front of people I've never met before and try to get them to laugh at me. This is such bizarre behavior and God knows I wish I could quit. Sometimes I feel like life would be so much easier without comedy. But, for some reason...I need this in my life and I always will. There have been days when I woke up and said, "today is the day I quit comedy" but deep down I know I'm not serious.

Tonight there was a moment onstage and for me to try to recreate it would be awkward. But, to summarize; I was talking to someone in the audience and she addressed someone else in the audience as "corn." I though the guy's name was Corn, turns out it was actually Coren but whatever. This struck me as funny so I created a scenario where an outsider (me) comes to a strange town (Toledo) and the entire town is named after vegetables. There are two premier families in the town, there names; Johnny Rhubarb and Frankie Green beans. I understand this sounds completely retarded and it is. But, in my head it was the most hilarious thing ever. Just writing it down is embarrassing for me but it must be done. Tonight I realized why I do comedy. Those 3 minutes talking about Kyle Cauliflower and Brett Broccoli made this entire trip worth it, easily. I don't know why things like this give me so much satisfaction but they do. Comedy allows me to come to grips with who I am. Being on stage is the one opportunity I get where I actually feel more like myself than any other. The times when you are most vulnerable are when you are the most truthful.

I don't know if I'll ever become "successful" in comedy. But I feel like the more I care about being "successful" the less chance of me actually becoming it. Sure I have goals and expectations for myself but I don't do comedy so one day I'll be on the Late Show. I do it because I need it. I'm sitting alone in a $39.95 a night Red Roof Inn in Toledo, Ohio...I miss my wife...but I'm happy.

And, I got to say the name Johnnie Rhubarb on stage tonight...that's enough.