Vegas

I spent this past weekend in Vegas with Larry "what else comes with the massage" Poon, Ryan "all in" Conner, and Sean "the terminator" Gabbert. I'd love to tell you what we did but you know what they say, "what happens in Vegas..." HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL!!

Horrible saying...really bad. I had a blast, below are my scores:

Roulette = + $176 (Roulette and I have a good history, it takes absolutely no brain power or attention span to play - perfect for me)

Craps = + $281 (John Johnson taught Ryan his secret strategy. Ryan passed this info to me. I explained the technique to Joe Robinson. Joe Robinson told me I was doing it wrong.) Craps is awesome and will from now on be called Crappy McCrapperson, as if it were a person.

Blackjack = - $45 (Blackjack is cruel and boring. Requires attentiveness but provides very little excitement. Crappy McCrapperson has won my heart forever.

Basketball = - $200 (I have not watched a basketball game in aproximately 8 years. I know nothing about it and don't particularly enjoy the sport. Obviously, it seemed like a wise choice to wager money.)

Cab = + $100 (A cab driver wrecked into the cab we were riding in. The faulty party offered us all $100 to sign a waiver saying we were not hurt. We all signed the waiver and thought we were cool until the next cab driver we encountered told us we could have gotten $1,000 a piece. I'll take the $100 but I still consider this a loss.)

I beat Vegas on this trip. We threw down but I was the better man. Actually, that's not really true. I realized on this trip that gambling is a lot of fun but even when you win, you really don't' . I'll explain...

Even though I left the casinos ahead by $202, I have to account for the amount of time I spent actually playing games. In my estimation, I spent aproximately 27 hours in the casinos. That means I earned $7.48 per hour. That's not particularly outstanding...plus, I worked over the weekend.

Vegas is weird. It's probably the only vacation where you set aside an allotted amount of money that you plan on losing for no good reason. you don't book a flight to the Carribean and say, "I'm taking $800 with me which I plan on losing at some point during this trip and I'm completely fine with it. That's a great analogy, Jon. Thanks buddy.

The following phrases were coined this weekend and were used constantly. They will not make any sense to the 7 people who read this blog. But, if you ask me about them, I will explain them to you and you probably won't find them humorous. Here we go:

- Take er down to the base! (said in the Larry Poon voice)

- Hey guyz, glorious day! (said in the Greeseman voice)

- He's trying to pass me off...a__hole! (said in girly/gay voice)

When you here a group of guys shouting out random sayings like these and they are laughing like it's the funniest thing they ever heard, you would call these guys annoying and obnoxious and want to punch them in the face. This is how most people described us this weekend.

Here are some interesting things that happened;

- I shared a queen sized bed with Larry Poon for 3 nights. Larry Poon snores, is a bed hog, enjoys room temperature to be somewhere around 18 degrees, and wraps the covers around his torso like a human burrito.

- I bowled for the first time in 5 years. My scores from the three games were; 137, 148, and 149. Not bad, huh...I am a redneck.

- We stayed at the stratosphere. It's basically the cheapest place you can stay in Vegas. It smells like Winston cigarettes, a mountain dew fountain drink, and feet. I have no regrets.

- Sean Gabbert irons his clothing

- Ryan Conner applies far too much lotion to his body.

- When 4 guys share a hotel room, the hotel room ends up smelling atrocious after 3 days.

- Don't ever fly Jetblue. They continue to serve alcohol to customers even when they are clearly intoxicated. They also like to keep the temperature around 97 degrees and when you ask them to adjust the temperature because some people have already died, they will lie to you.

I don't understand why people get drunk on airplanes. I can see enjoying a beer or cocktail but the dude sitting next to me was just pounding drinks the entire flight. How is that even fun? "Oh dude, I got hammered and then sat in a chair for 5 hours!" "Know what else, I had to take a leak every 30 minutes which was really annoying for the guy sitting next to me." That guy sitting next to the drunk guy was me.

Update: I am training for a speed triathlon with my brother, Matty Moo. If this goes the way I think it will, I will not prepare properly and be miserable during the race. Also, he and I are planning an sweet adventure camping trip this spring. These two events will produce amazing blogs. Amazing.